Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Welcome. I'm Elida Murray, executive director of the Adams County Children's Advocacy center. And this is Brighter Tomorrows, a podcast about mental health resilience, creating authentic connections, and how we can build and strengthen our community. We hope you will continue to join us. The Adams County Children's Advocacy center is an independent, nonprofit organization serving Adams County, Pennsylvania, whose mission is to work towards a community where children are safe, families are strong, and our child victims of abuse can be children again. So as an organization who every day supports children who have experienced trauma, it's important for us to support and promote activities that help to build resilience to stress and to maintain mental wellness for everyone.
So today's episode is about fighting circumstances that isolate us, forgiving ourselves for things beyond our control, building connections which can bring comfort, especially after someone has experienced child abuse, and also about a very important survivor's message about healing. So for that, we are proud to welcome Gisele Alan Castro to today's episode. So welcome, Giselle.
[00:01:09] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you, Elida. My goal today is just to speak to kids and to let them know that they're not alone, but to additionally speak to families and guardians of children and to also let them know that they are seen and not alone through the entire process of healing. Additionally, to just share my knowledge from my own trauma story and from my own experience, along with what my process of closure has been like thus far, and to just give an insight as to what my parents did, the best resources they found for me, and what that process of healing looks like for us together.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: Right. And so one of the things I wanted to say to our audience is that every child's experience, every survivor's experience is different. And it takes the time it takes to get to a point where you feel like you're okay to even have this discussion. So we're thankful that you are, but we also want to let people know.
You may never want to have a conversation in a public setting like this. It takes a lot of bravery, but it also is about where you're at in your healing and that closure piece. So you've expressed that it's important to dispel some myths you have encountered through your experience that people may have about child abuse and child victims of abuse. So in our work with child victims, I can say that some of the myths we encounter, our work include that child abuse only happens in certain types of families or neighborhoods or parts of our community, or that children are always victimized by strangers. And we know that that's completely the converse Children are primarily victimized by people they know and trust. Children usually tell someone that they're being abused, and we know that sometimes they can. And sometimes it takes time to make that disclosure. And also that children with disabilities are less likely to become victims of abuse than children without disabilities. And we know also the converse is true. Children with disabilities are more likely. So can you talk a little bit about some of those myths you've encountered versus the facts?
[00:03:06] Speaker B: Yeah. I feel as though when discussing child victims, there's so much stigma around the lines that merge, like, throughout the process as a whole. For example, the belief that the parents are guardians of a child are horrible because they allowed something to happen.
I hear this and I've even heard it through, like, articles and readings that I've read throughout my healing journey. I think I've had to talk to my parents so much and tell them, I don't see you as a horrible human being and you never in a million years would have allowed for this to happen. I feel like when you're a parent and you're a guardian, I don't know because I'm not one, but I would imagine that you have a sense of protection that you feel that you need to protect your child. And that's like a number one thing. And it's not so much that you failed at your job job, like, you're not a failure. So I feel like people automatically go into that category of, oh, that's a horrible parent, that's a bad parent, because that happened to their child. And I feel like if you're not there and you're not in that situation and you don't know all the trajectories of what's really occurred, then it's really hard for you to just jump from A to Z so fast.
And along with that, I feel like an additional myth or like, stigma would be like, as to why children didn't speak up sooner.
This tends to, like, go into the realm of every child. Healing process and journey is so different for a child. It might be like an immediate thing to be like, okay, say something. For my instance, I didn't speak up till about 13 years later because for me, it was kind of just like a mental block where I was like, that didn't happen. There's no way that could happen. But also, I was four ages of four to six. You're still. You also don't know what's going on. So I didn't speak up till 13 years later because I realized the mental toll and way that it had on me. And I was like, there's no way that I can continue without saying something.
And another thing with that process of speaking up is that I feel as if though a lot of people feel that it's like a one way street to closure. Closure is one of the most complex processes I have ever had to become a part of. And I feel like at any point in anyone's life you have to go through some clos. Whether it's from a small scale or to a large scale.
Some days are worse than others and it's an uphill battle. But I feel like everyone thinks it's like step one to step ten and then by step eleven you're completely fixed and renewed and that's just not the case.
[00:05:40] Speaker A: Right.
[00:05:40] Speaker B: It's like some days like you feel like you're on top of the world and other days it's just kind of like you're reliving it.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: And also you're trying to do this when you're trying to grow up too.
[00:05:48] Speaker B: Right, Right.
[00:05:49] Speaker A: So like without taking too much time of it. I'm a survivor myself and my incidents of abuse started when I was very young, three years old, and frankly, I didn't have the words for it.
[00:06:00] Speaker B: Right.
[00:06:01] Speaker A: And also I didn't have any life experience to say that wasn't like what was the norm, if you will.
[00:06:06] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:06:07] Speaker A: And so it took me years to figure out and a lot of it was just like kind of like flashback memory based, like, oh, that's not okay. And then start to unpack that and start to start to really work through it.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: Right.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: And so that it just take, like you said, it takes the time it takes and it can happen in fits and starts. It's not like a smooth trajectory. And I know that for some of our caregivers that can be really hard because you think, okay, we're going to deal with this and then we're going to be okay and we're going to move on. And especially as you're growing up, it might come back to haunt you a little bit and then you have to work on it a little bit more. So that always happens. So when we talk about parents, I know that you feel strongly about sharing a message with parents of children who have experienced trauma. And it's a difficult thing for non offending parents and caregivers. Can you share your thoughts about that?
[00:07:01] Speaker B: Yeah, I think my main message is that you're not a bad parent because your child experienced trauma. And for me it's extremely important to reiterate and I can't emphasize this enough from my own story. I know my trauma could have not been an easy thing for my parents to wrap their head around. Especially from that 13 year age gap that I took to speak up about it. I'd kept it away and bottled up for so long until I no longer couldn't. And I had to understand the situation that I was putting them in by telling them. But I also had to do what was best for myself and my mental health. And it was just kind of a thing where like, you know what? We're just gonna all have to go through this together.
And throughout the early processes of healing, I had to understand that they were healing too in a way. They were connecting dots. They were trying to understand but most importantly they were trying to be supportive in the ways they already knew how. And never once had I questioned my parents willingness to protect me, nor do I blame them. I know even as I grew up during those 13 years, my parents were my safe haven. My dad was the man that I knew would always watch out for me and protect me. I had never crossed those realms or those paths or connected those dots that like one led to the other. I think sometimes parents have this thought or idea in their head that their child hates them or like completely disregards them for whatever trauma they have endured. And I feel like this isn't the reality of all situations. And that's really, really important for parents to know. Along with that is as I began to, as I began to cope, I started to understand how difficult it was for my parents. Even now as I'm in my 20s, I also kept in mind that they were living in this world for the first time too, for the first time themselves. They're not going to always have the answers to everything. But through like the communication and the consistent efforts that we formulated as a trio and as a family to see everyone's best foot forward throughout the entire healing process didn't show that it was an easy process, but it showed that it was possible to be done if we could do it together.
[00:09:08] Speaker A: Right. And that you and just that your parents willingness to say, okay, we're going to do this right, we're not going to avoid, we're not going to pretend it didn't happen. We're here for you and we're going to figure this out together. And I think as survivors we can say that's the most important thing we can do. Like our caregivers can do for us.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: So at the Children's Advocacy center we also talk about child abuse prevention It's a very important part of our work and we're really proud of our prevention educators in all Adams county schools teaching prevention to elementary age students and reaching more than 55 kids every year. But I know we agree that it is the responsibility of adults to keep kids safe and having the community understand more about child abuse and how to prevent it, because that's so very important. Wouldn't it have been wonderful to have been able to have it prevented rather.
[00:10:02] Speaker B: Than have it right 100%?
[00:10:05] Speaker A: And that's why we created the 5% challenge, because we know that when experts believe that just 5% of a community's adults learn about child abuse prevention, the rate of child abuse decreases. So we encourage all adults in our community to Visit our website, www.kidsagaincac.org and watch our short 5% challenge video to learn more.
As we talk through this more, can you share your message with our community about how they can prevent child abuse and also support child victims and their families? Just from your experience, my thing would.
[00:10:41] Speaker B: Say be kind, please be mindful and be open to an individual's journey. Often in communities there's added stigma that people believe a child with trauma is like a disease, that if you're around it enough or you're near it, you're going to end up catching it. I cannot express to you the harm that this does to a child, to the development of a child. To place them in a highlighted category and exclude them from the world due to something that was completely out of their control is absurd and it's just insane in its own way. I've been able to meet people through sharing my story that I have recognized really resonate with that experience that they were just segregated and just completely isolated. It affected the way they viewed the world entirely. I mean, how could it not? It's easy to make assumptions about a place that you've never been to or make it seem like it's really easy to get over the hill. But it's like, unless you're on that hill, it's really hard for you to speak or for people to, like, really understand.
I also feel that people don't often, like, understand the severity of the situation until they're actually in it. Like, I know my parents growing up, like, they would, like, say, oh my gosh, like, those are horrible things for, like, people to go through. And then now that they're on the flip side of it, they're like, no, it is so. My parents obviously always knew that it was an extremely hard process. But I Think now that we're all going through it and continuing to go through it, they completely have a different lens and perspective about it. So additionally, I think every child deserves a fair shot in this world and should not be subjected to less or feel that they are less or the opportunities that they can amount to are less just because of the trauma they have endured.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: I think one of the things I always try to say is like a talking point I use is that it's. There's no doubt that being the victim of child abuse is life defining, but it should not be life destroying. And that's like all of our work about that and all of the pieces that we try to do to bring to children, but also within the nuclear of their family system or their centers of support that we're there for everyone who needs that help. Like, you know, caregivers need that help often just as much as the child victim. And also the more we can help the family, the more that family is going to be able to help that child. So that's all of that piece that we try to work together. So as we kind of, as we talk this through and I want to thank you so much for, for being willing to do this and being brave enough to say, hey, I think I'm ready to talk about what may have happened to me. Any last thoughts, things you want to share with our audience before we wrap up?
[00:13:26] Speaker B: I just want to say I'm like, extremely grateful to have had this opportunity to meet and talk with everyone. And additionally, I just wanted to say that I don't have all the answers. I feel like sometimes when people see people sharing their stories or even just like in a realm like this, it's very easy to like, assume that that person may, may or may not know it all. I don't speak for the entire community, but I have come to understand that what I feel and have gone through is extremely similar to other children's stories or other survivor stories. I want survivors to really understand that you are not alone in this world. You are fighting a battle that has no instructions but to keep in mind that you're not fighting alone. I would say throughout, if I could give any piece of advice, it would be to try your hardest to not put yourself in a box. There's a world of people who care and want nothing but the best for you. And I feel like that's sometimes really hard to comprehend. Especially when you're a child. It's. You don't have all the answers. You're growing up and you're trying, you're trying to be a kid while understanding what's occurring. Most importantly, do not allow for what you have gone through to shape the perspective of what you think you can amount to in this world.
[00:14:38] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: You are worthy of so much and you have so much to offer. I think if little me could see me now, she would be and she'd just be shocked. I don't think she would have much words to talk to. Parents, I would say parents, I cannot say like I'm in the same boat as you or I know exactly what you're going through or exactly what you're thinking because I am not a parent, though, throughout, through observation, I have been able to recognize all the struggles that parents endure. And I would say give yourself some grace, allow time to sit and think and understand that you're not the villain in this story. You're solely an ally and you're the one putting out the little lifeboat into the ocean.
Every single person involved in the process of allowing a child to develop closure is trying their hardest. They're working their hardest. And I hope the information discussed today has really helped and possibly I know the ACCAC does an amazing job at guiding families, parents and children through this process.
[00:15:40] Speaker A: So thank you. Of course, we work really hard at that. And I think also it's important for this information is important for everyone to understand and to remember there are things each of us can do to support children in our lives, in our community. This has been a great discussion. Again, I praise you highly for doing this and put yourself out there in that way. And we're so happy that you've shared so much because it's very important. It's very relevant trauma, especially the important topic of trauma, especially when it's experienced in childhood. So I want to thank your listeners also for staying with us through the episode. And please, if you are a survivor of child abuse, the caregiver or a family member of a child who has been abused, we are here to help you. You can call us at the center, which is 717-337-9888 or visit our website, kidsagaincac.org for information. We have tons of resources out there. If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, please make the confidential call to Childline immediately. The number is 1-888-932-0313. And again, thank you, Giselle, for your courage and for sharing your experience. And let's always remember, your trauma does not define who you are, nor does it define who you can amount to in this world. So parents, guardians, caregivers, give yourself this grace. As Gisela said, this is a journey for your child as well as a journey for you. You're on this roller coaster together, and you're going to do the best you can. So the process of gaining closure is more complex than sought out to be. And closure looks different for everyone. So take the time to allow yourself to be vulnerable. I invite you to learn more about our work at the Adams County Children's Advocacy center by visiting our website, kidsagaincac.org and by following us on social media at Kids Again cac.
Thank you for sharing this time with us today. Remember, let's take this work and make together to make our community safe for children and strong for families. And we hope you will join us for our next episode of Brighter Tomorrows. Good night.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: Thank you.
